What I think about negative comments

My response to a recent article

I wrote an article about men a few weeks back, and it exploded when I uploaded it on Medium. I opened the app one day and there were 99+ notifications 😁 🤷‍♀️

And I had to deal with “criticism” for the first time ever. I’ll explain why I put criticism in quotes later.

This is what I learned about people who write negative comments

• People assume that if you put something on the Internet, they are entitled to give you their opinion. Especially if your perspective of the world doesn’t match their own.
• People also lack basic empathy and understanding that other people have different values and information than them.
• People feel a strong urge to signal where they stand on a socially charged topic.
• They don’t get that if they comment on a post “they don’t like” this will give the post more traction, so the idea they disagree with actually reaches more people (I’m grateful for that 😉).
• As a rule of thumb, the more entitled someone feels to share their opinion, the higher likelihood is that they don’t produce any content of their own.

We are better off remembering that

• “No one is crazy. If you had their life experience, you’d probably think the same. The sooner you embrace this, the sooner you can empathize with people you disagree with instead of pretending you’re superior.” (Nat Eliason)
• You’re not entitled to share your opinion just because it’s freely available on a public platform. Especially if you lack the skills to do so constructively.
• This is true for most people: your opinion is not interesting for the majority of people in the world except your mom, close friends and your therapist. Quit the self-entitlement.

The question arises, am I only expecting positive praise and I’m afraid of criticism?

No. There were comments that disagreed with me but said so in a calm, constructive manner. I’ve got no problem with that!

But comments like:

Could any more outdated gender stereotypes be packed into a single article?

Did you get Chat GPT to plagiarize a Cosmopolitan article from 1947?

Are you serious?

OMG you opened this by saying a man who’s supposed to care about you called you a whore. Girlfriend, wake up!

are not criticism. People just wanted to tell me that they were better than me. They’re not interested in a conversation or understanding my perspective. They wanted to signal their tribe and put me down. Their ego got to feel superior to me and they just had to share it.

There are also certain types of commentators

The Captain Obvious: well what about xyz. You didn’t mention this other thing:

And women don’t? This is where I immensely disagree with you.

How stupid do you have to be to write this?

It’s an article, not Encyclopedia Britannica. The article was about one topic and I cannot possibly write about every nuance, side note, or niche thing the topic contains. Write your own piece if you think something is missing.

The ‘psychologist’: a person who thinks that based on one piece they know EVERYTHING about you and freely diagnose you and give advice 🤦‍♀️

“Yah, your mother and her friends have issues.”

Self-importance called and said that it’s inflated. The only people who can advise me are those I pay to or my close friends. EVERYONE else is outside of that circle, so piss off.

The you-should-have-written-it-differently:

“The takeaway is not that men (or women) for that matter are wonderful. Believing one group is good or wonderful sets up failures on expectation.”

No, I wrote it and made the conclusion I wanted. You’re welcome to draw your own, but you can’t tell me what I should and should not believe in 🤷‍♀️

The I’m a lunatic and a troll:

For context, someone highlighted a part where I said “But in their mind, it’s justified” and responded: yes, just like Hitler.

Yes because that’s who I’m talking about here 🤦‍♀️. Beyond stupidity, gets blocked immediately.

How I think about others’ content

Someone sharing their thoughts and life online is like keeping the curtains open. I pass by their house and get to look inside. I might not agree with how someone decorated their living room or the couch they picked, but I would never go over there and tell them I don’t like it. If I don’t like it, I look away and move on.

I have a personal rule about giving praise if I like something (because I know how difficult it is to produce content continuously) and withholding my feedback if I don’t like something unless explicitly asked to do so.

Here’s a takeaway

• It’s not my responsibility how you react and you don’t need to share that. Your therapists get paid to hear your bullshit, I don’t. Your emotional vomit is not welcome in my space.
• If you can’t accept that other people have a different perspective, you’re not welcome in my space.
• If you can’t communicate respectably that you disagree, you’re not welcome in my space.
• If you have a sense of entitlement, you’re not welcome here.
• If you have no self-awareness, you’re not welcome here either.

Oh and guess what, this is my space so I will determine the above.

Don’t be an a🛑shole to people you don’t know,